Nearly every lady will tell you—romance works! If a man wants to make an impact with a lady he absolutely must include romance.

What does romance do exactly? I liken romance to ice tea bags floating in a pitcher of water on a hot summer day. Women are the tea bags and romance is the sunlight. Warm sunlight brings out the tea just like romance brings out a woman. Romance softens women. It warms our heart. Romance gives men permission to come closer.

Is all romance created equal? Does every woman want the same thing? Well, yes and no. (That answer drives men crazy!) What I mean is this: yes, women want romance but no, it doesn’t look the same for every one.

Simply stated; romance is thoughtful gestures of kindness. Who doesn’t respond positively to that? When a man purposely creates a moment through well timed events she will interpret those efforts as statements of love.

Tea anyone?

The question was: how often should a married couple go on a date alone? Three- quarters of the resondents said once a week while the other quarter said once a month. Whether it’s once a week or once a month it’s clear that regular time alone is important for a healthy marriage.

The date alone sends a message: I want to be with you.

Regular dates alone with your spouse create opportunity for conversation, connection and hopefully some comedy! After all, since you’ve committed to spend the rest of your life together you may as well have fun.

January is the perfect time to put a few dates on your calendar. The holidays are over and routines will resume. Keep it fresh by dining at a new restaurant or try your hand at bowling. Bowling is usually good for a few laughs regardless of the score.

Make time to be with the one you love and have fun together!

Your man needs breathing room. Yes, he likes to be with you but not 24/7. He needs time alone. Time alone could be in his shop, man cave or garage. The location isn’t the main point; rather it’s doing what he wants at his own pace. Perhaps it’s working on a project or hobby; it could be riding his bicycle or motorcycle; it may be reading a book. Each man has his unique style but the bottom line is the same: they need regular time alone.

Make a point to ask your man if he would like more time alone. If he says yes, take the opportunity to explore ways to make it happen. I recommend reserving the same time each day or week so you both can plan on it. If you set a specific time frame you’ll have the assurance he won’t be out there all day.

Think of it as an investment. If he has adequate time alone now he’ll be more engaged with you later.

I was all ready to go. I admit I was nervous. It was only our second date. The racquetball court was our destination. I had no idea what to expect since I’d neither seen nor played racquetball. Willing to try something new I anticipated a fun experience.

Bill arrived on time, exchanged pleasantries with my parents and we left. We checked in at the registration desk, signed the injury release form and grabbed the racquets. As we were walking to the courts I heard, “Ma’am”. I turned to see if she meant me. She said flatly, “Only white soled shoes are allowed on the court.” I looked down and realized I had on black soled shoes.

Ugh! Who knew?

I looked at Bill as if to say “why didn’t you tell me?” and he looked at me as if to say “didn’t you know that already?” There was no time for blaming if we were going to salvage our one hour reservation. I just needed the correct shoes.

The ride back to my house was a bit awkward as we tried to work through this misunderstanding. I ran into the house and quickly changed my shoes. Finally we arrived back at the court ready to try it again. With only 15 minutes remaining we tried to make the most of it. In hindsight 15 minutes was more than enough.

Unaccustomed to aggressive sporting activities I quickly realized I need to get tough. However, I didn’t know how to separate competitive ambition from personal anger.

In just 60 short minutes my emotions had run amuck; from excited anticipation descending to embarrassment and finally ending in anger. Needless to say things didn’t turn out the way we planned but thankfully we can laugh about it now. Let’s just say that racquetball isn’t our sport of choice.

Sometimes dates provide growing opportunities and funny memories. The key is not taking yourself too seriously.  We all make mistakes or wrong assumptions but with patience and good communication we can use it to strengthen our relationship.

Do you have a dating faux pas? Share it with us. Be sure to include any hints or tips for success.

 Been on a date lately? The dictionary defines a date as: a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person. Basically, a date is planned time with the one you love.  What makes a great date? Is it a romantic destination or gourmet food? Is it quality entertainment or warm weather?  Those are factors but not guarantees for a great date.

A great date generates meaningful connection. But how?  

Talk and touch. 

The trick is that men and women connect in different ways. Generally speaking, women connect through conversation while men connect through physical touch. If both elements are woven throughout the date then both will view it as a positive experience.

Not all conversations are created equal. Actually, some topics are best avoided—or at least limited—on a date. One of them is kids. Hang with me for a minute and let me explain. I love children and agree they are important but women have a tendency to dominate the conversation with kid stuff. I know. I’ve been guilty of doing it. Parents should be engaged in regular discussion about their children’s specific issues; however, a date is not the time.

If you feel you absolutely must discuss the kids then set a time limit and stick to it.

The purpose of dating is to build the marriage relationship. Physical touch is a significant means of connection. Here are a few ideas:

• Hold hands
• Rest your hand on his/her thigh while driving
• Kiss (save the passionate kissing for private)
• Stand close to each other while waiting in line; arms wrapped around each others waist or his arms wrapped around her
• Sit next to each other in a restaurant when possible

When you get home—or to a private place—make love. It’s the perfect ending.

Then plan the next date.

Women view men as complex creatures but they’re not. We try elaborate methods to get and keep their attention while missing the obvious. A plunging  neck line or a short skirt will get a glance but it won’t get his heart.

What will?

Respect. Plain and simple. It’s the failproof road to his heart. Respect is the language of men.

Want to learn his language? Drop the sarcasm. Sarcasm instantly shuts him down from any meaningful conversation.

I learned this the hard way. Sarcasm was the only way I knew how to talk when I was upset. After many arguments with my husband Bill, I finally realized that sarcasm is totally ineffective. Now when we get into a conflict I eliminate the sarcasm and just communicate why I’m hurt and how I want things to change.

He can deal with that. Most men can. Respect works every time.